MINNETONKA, Minn. — From the moment a law change gave Minnesota adoptees the right to access their original birth records, Lisa Belknap knew she'd be applying the first chance she got.
She just never imagined it would arrive in her mailbox on her birthday.
"I'm shaking," said Belknap, who invited KARE11 to be there as she opened her birth record. "I thought... just how remarkable that is, to get your birth certificate on your birthday, for the first time. The real one."
Like many Minnesotans who were involved in closed adoptions, Belknap spent most of her life with very little information about her birth parents. Limited information about their medical history, along with a few baby photos from her six weeks in foster care, were her only clues to her past.
But while she always wondered where she came from, she wants to make it clear that she never wondered who her family is. She was quickly adopted by loving parents, and an older brother.
"Do they feel uncomfortable about the fact that I might find my birth family? Absolutely not. No," Belknap said. "I think the main thing my parents have always been concerned about is what I might find."
Birth Parent Contact Preference
Because any Minnesota adoptee who is 18 or older can now request their birth record and attempt to find their birth parents, the state spent a year trying to publicize the changes and give birth parents a chance to offer their contact preferences.
"We asked them to fill out a Birth Parent Contact Preference form," said State Registrar, Molly Mulcahy Crawford. "There's a space where they can share anything they want. Maybe their address, maybe how to get ahold of me if they want contact, maybe to explain why I don't want contact."
Despite those efforts, and a potential pool of 175,000 Minnesota adoptions, fewer than .5% of birth parents have returned that form in the last year.
Mulcahy Crawford: "In total, we've received 377 birth parent contact preference forms."
Erdahl: "Do you know how many said? Yes, I can be contacted versus I prefer not to?"
Mulcahy Crawford: "It's about 50/50, but regardless of that preference, if an adopted person makes a request under the new law, they're going to get a copy."
Erdahl: "In other words, noboby can stop them from still contacting them."
Mulcahy Crawford: "Right."
Please Respect My Request
Despite the minuscule odds of encountering one of those forms, Belknap found one tucked behind her birth certificate.
"She marked that she prefer not to be contacted at this time," she said, with tears in her eyes. "And she wrote, 'Just please respect my request of no contact.'"
As a mother herself, it's a request she can't fathom.
"One of the probably most profound moments of my life was when my daughter was born and I just remember looking at her and that was the first person in my entire life that I had a biological connection with," Belknap said. "It's disappointing to know that there's that much forethought into not wanting to know me."
Searching for Clues
Knowing her birth mother's preference didn't stop Belknap from trying to find her online.
"It's not her choice anymore," she said. "She made her choice for me when I was a baby and I didn't have a say in that. As an adult now it's, it's my decision on how I wanna handle this."
Within just a few minutes of searching Facebook, Belknap and her husband were very confident that they had found her birth mother.
"She seems to be a really proud grandma," Balknap said, looking through several photos publicly available on Facebook. "I can relate because my mom is really proud of my kids too."
That realization is a major reason why her search stopped there.
"I don't think I would be true to myself if I disrespected her wishes," Belknap said. "As much as I want to, my parents didn't raise me to be that way."
Still a Gift
Despite her disappointment in her birth mother's reply, Belknap says she's still grateful for her records.
"Any information to connect me to my past is a gift," she said. "What I would want birth parents to know is - at least for me as an adoptee and other adoptees that I've spoken to - is we're not trying to get something from someone. I think most people just want to know their origin story."
For more information on the state law change, and how to request birth records, click here.