MINNEAPOLIS — Toxic Positivity. It’s an obsession with positive thinking and the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences. But a "good vibes only" mentality can sometimes do more harm than good.
We all know that chipper person who’s always being positive, trying to turn a negative into a "not so bad." Doing things like urging someone to focus on the positive after a devastating loss or claiming "everything happens for a reason" after a catastrophe.
It’s called "Toxic Positivity" and psychologists like Cheryl Bemel caution against too much forced positivity, saying “Whoever said we’re supposed to be positive all the time? It’s like wearing a false mask, it’s not a reliable measure of what’s actually happening and it’s a form of negative emotions being ignored.”
It all stems from human nature. We don’t want to see someone we care about hurting, so when bad news is discussed, it’s natural to say whatever we can to make the person feel better.
However, psychologists say the people trying to talk about their problem may feel ignored, unheard, even angry. Dr. Bemel says this behavior not only effects the person seeking comfort but also the person putting on the positive spin.
“Folks are afraid to feel and they’re afraid to feel their emotions," she said. "But this is really a test of empathy and one’s ability to have empathy and show empathy.”
Dr. Bemel stresses it’s ok to feel upset, and it's important to remember all emotions are important because they inform us about our needs, safety and desires. “That’s a healthy emotion, sadness. When we’re sad, what does that tell other people? People come, they comfort us, it gives us what we need,” she said.
If someone confides in you, experts say the best thing to do is allow yourself to notice them. Sit with them, listen, and accept those difficult emotions.