LAKEVILLE, Minn — The parent meeting is part of the time-honored routine for most coaches as they start a season. In an effort to tamp down expectations and harness overzealous behavior, a clear message is sent to dad and mom:
"Your kid is not going to make the pros. They are not going to earn a Division I scholarship."
I have personally used those words dozens of times while helping to shepherd young athletes through the ranks and in most cases, they are 100% true.
They were not, however, for Lakeville's Chris Oettinger.
Oettinger's son Jake - now 25 - started out as an average kid athlete in the Twin Cities south metro, trying just about every sport in the book. His journey eventually led to a hockey goal crease, which he now occupies for the Dallas Stars. Yep, those Dallas Stars, currently vying for a spot in the 2024 Stanley Cup Finals.
So how did a young man who cycled through football, basketball, baseball, soccer, tennis and golf find his way onto hockey's biggest stage? Chris Oettinger says it wasn't a journey he could envision at the time.
"He was always really good... on any given team or sport, he wasn't the best player but he was always really, really good," Oettinger says.
His kids were tall and Oettinger dreamed they'd be hoopsters - shooting guards or small forwards - as basketball was his favorite sport, a game that personally stoked his competitive juices. He laughs while describing his failed attempt at making it happen.
"I tried to coach them at a young age. So think, you know, YMCA basketball, fourth and fifth grade," he recalls. "Trust me when I tell you that some parents shouldn't be coaches. I didn't know that about myself at that time. But I figured it out real quick after that, because as soon as that basketball season was over they're like, "Not only do we not want to play basketball, we want to do something that my dad literally knows nothing about." So what would that be? So hockey, right? I don't know anything about hockey. So we're gonna do that."
Jake gravitated to hockey, a sport Chris was familiar with but was able to watch more as an outside observer than a participant. One thing he clearly saw in his son was a unique ability to focus on a goal and work relentlessly to achieve it. Like many Minnesota kids, Jake spent plenty of time in organized hockey, but when he was done with practice he'd grab his stuff, go to the outdoor rink and skate with his buddies for another two hours. Oettinger can't recall a time when Jake didn't want to play hockey.
"Good, bad or otherwise, Jake never didn't want to go. Never. He was doing extra."
As a high school freshman Jake and his Lakeville North teammates played for a Minnesota State High School Championship. Shortly afterward, he was asked to try out for a Minnesota elite team and attended a camp in St. Cloud. He ended up getting cut.
"This speaks to where and how Jake got to where he is today. He didn't sulk. He didn't. He 100% told me 'That's never going to happen to me again,'" Chris recalled. "Like I will not, that's not going to happen. It's a mistake. It'll never happen again." And that literally motivated him... it changed the whole dynamic of what he was trying to do."
It wasn't long before another door opened, a tryout for the USA Hockey National Team Development Program, which feeds the country's international and Olympic pipeline. Oettinger didn't realize what a big deal it was until he spoke with Bob Lindgren, whose sons Charlie and Ryan both play in the NHL. Chris figured it was a great opportunity for Jake to get some exposure and play in front of college scouts, maybe get some college paid for. His son had other ideas.
"After his last mini-game that he played, I remember him coming upstairs. We were packing up to leave. And I said, 'Great game. What do you think?' And he goes, 'That should do it.' And I go, 'That should do what?' And he goes, 'I'm gonna make it.' I’m like, 'Alright, get your stuff. Let's go,'" Oettinger remembers.
"We get up to the parking lot to get our stuff loaded up and I got a call from the guy that runs the program and he said, 'Hey, we need to talk to you in the lobby.' And I thought it was like hey, thanks for coming. Appreciate you all... instead it was, 'Hey, we'd like to offer Jake a spot on the team.'"
Jake - just 15 years old - left his tight-knit family and the comforts of a life he knew to move to Plymouth, Michigan, where he would hone his game in America's premiere hockey program. His Lakeville North teammates would go undefeated and claim a state title with another goaltender in the net; he would miss homecoming, prom and other things that come with just being a kid. His dad recalls some tough phone calls and visits to Michigan as Jake navigated the turbulent waters he needed to cross in order to reach his dream.
"I told this to Jake all the time... the hockey has to be enough. Like, it has to be enough. You have to live on the dream and live on what you're doing. And it's the old saying: You do some things now that most people won't do so that you can live a life that... most people can't down the road."
That road would lead Jake to Boston University, where he would start as a 17-year-old freshman and play three years for a collegiate hockey power. While there, he was selected in the first round (26th overall) of the 2017 NHL Draft. Following his junior year Jake left BU, signed with Dallas and reported to the club's AHL affiliate. Injuries resulted in a call-up to the big club in May of 2020, and by the following season, Oettinger would become a permanent part of the Stars' goaltender rotation. He is now considered among the NHL's elite, named an All-Star in 2023-24.
"You’re given the opportunities, people believe in you. But then you have to capitalize and make the most and it's all done through hard work and literally, mental toughness," Chris Oettinger reflects. "And I give him all the credit in the world. Because at some point, you know, you can, as a parent, you can guide, you can do all the things, you do advice and this and that. But at the end of the day, he's the one that's doing the work."
While watching his son play for a shot at the Stanley Cup, Jake's father is making the most of his second go-round as a sports parent. His son Thomas, now 10, is a multi-sport athlete who also plays hockey.
"It's just different... now I'm 54. I mean, at that time, I was, let's say I was 34. You're just mentally in a different spot. You know?" Chris says. "I'd like to think I'm more mature. I've had much more in life experiences, in sports experiences."
"I love going back right now and tying skates in the locker room... just being a part of of that again and watching him progress. Thomas truly plays hockey for the love of the sport. Not because of Jake. Jake's an influence for sure. But he does it because he loves it... (and) you just have to let him enjoy it."
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